Speed Ball
by ManUtd20
Summary: Sirius Black is the definition of pride. So what happens when he hears Lily Evans and Alice Fletcher talking about a game he's never heard of?


Speed Ball:

Sirius Black is the definition of proud. He can't stand it when someone knows more than him. So, when he heard Alice Fletcher speaking with Lily Evans, her best friend, about a game called Speed Ball, he couldn't help but eavesdrop.

"I'm the best Speed Baller ever." Alice said proudly.

"Yeah," Agreed Lily, "I bet you could even beat Black at Speed Ball."

"Uh, yeah right," Sirius interjected, "I bet that's not even a sport, you guys are just making it up."

"You're just saying that because you've never heard of it." Alice said defiantly, crossing her arms.

"No one's heard of it because it's not real!" With that, Sirius stormed away to the Griffindor common room.

Later that day, Sirius sat in his room with James, Remus and their African roommate, John. Peter, who was being tutored by McGonigal, was the topic of their discussion.

"We really should help Pete with his homework." Said Remus.

James shook his head and said, "You know he says he doesn't want out help."

"If Sirius were drowning in a pool and he said not to save him, would you just let him drown?" Remus pointed out.

"That depends," Said James, "What if there's a hot lady-friend he wanted to save him instead?"

"Ok, let's say there's no women." Remus offered.

Sirius, James and John laughed and James responded, "Remus, there are always women at the pool."

Remus rolled his eyes and said, "OK then, it's a pond."

"Oh no, I'd never swim in a pond," Said Sirius, "I'm afraid of Sea Serpents and Dragon Flies." He shuddered.

"Fine, then what if it's John." Remus said.

"Oh, so now a brother can't swim." John said angrily.

Sirius shook his head at Remus and said, "Why did you have to go there, mate? Why, Remus, why?"

"Arg! You know what," Yelled Remus as he stormed out of their room, "I'd rather play Speed Ball than listen to you three dolts."

"How does everyone know about Speed Ball but me?" Thought Sirius.

----------Later that day in the Great Hall---------------

"Remmie, how could you leave me like that?" Yelled an indignant Sirius, "Did all those times in the common room mean nothing to you?"

"What?" Yelped James, "So this piece of man-candy is the other man? I thought that you were my furry man-beast and I was you undercover lover!" James grabbed a glass of pumpkin juice and tossed it at Remus' face, then turned on Sirius and yelled, "Man stealer!" Then he stormed out of the Great Hall.

Sirius took a bow at the laughing students and followed James out of the Great Hall.

"That.Was.Great." James said, smiling at Sirius, "Nearly as great as Speed Ball!"

"That's it," Thought Sirius angrily, "This ends now."

Sirius stormed away from a confused James and ran to the lake, where Alice was standing with her boyfriend, Frank Longbottom.

"What?" Asked Alice as Sirius stood in front of her.

"Well, earlier, when I said that I had never heard about Speed Ball before, I lied. I actually do know what Speed Ball is. In fact I would go as far as to say that I'm the best Speed Baller in all of Europe, hell all of Eurasia." Sirius said, trying to sound convincing.

"Oh, really?" Said Alice, unbelievingly, "Well, then meet me back out here in an hour and we'll play."

"Oh, uh," Sirius paused, "Yeah! We'll rumble!"

---------One hour later:::: Rumbling time----------------

"Alright, Sirius," Said Alice with a smile, "Of course, you know to stand in the center of the Speed-Circle, right?"

"Well, duh!" Sirius said, standing in a circle drawn on the grass. He noticed that the circle was surrounded by nearly all the 7th year students and many 5th and 6th years as well were holding tennis balls. This included the Marauders, Lily, Frank and John.

"Ok, ready?" Asked Alice.

Sirius responded cockily, "I'm always ready."

"Alright," Alice said causiosly, "One, two, three... Go!"

All at once, the students threw the tennis balls as hard as they could at him. Nearly every ball hit their target.

Sirius lay in fetal position his body aching. He looked up at a laughing Alice and asked, "There's no such thing as Speed Ball, is there?"

"Now there is, would you like to play another round Mr. Champion?" She joked.

--------------Two painful hours later-----------------

Sirius lay on his bed, his body throbbing. Sirius glanced up at the Marauders and asked, "Why, guys?"

"Well," Said James, "Alice told us that if we pretended to know what Speed Ball is that we would get to throw balls at you."

"My friends suck." Sirius muttered, wincing slightly.

-----------------One week later----------------

"Oi, Snivellus!" Sirius yelled, "You want to play a game of Speed Ball?"

"What the bloody hell is that?" Snape growled.

"Only one of the greatest sports ever, of course, it's not surprising that you didn't know that."

"Oh, Speed Ball, yeah I've played that before," Snape said arrogantly, "And I'm one of the greatest players ever, or at least that's what everyone tells me."

"Your mum isn't a fair judge, Snape, but I have the pitch set up, you have time to play a quick game right?"

"I'm always ready for a game of Speed Ball-"  
------------------------------------------Fin---------------------------------------------------


End file.
